Parenting, especially in challenging family dynamics or when dealing with children who have experienced trauma, requires a unique set of skills and emotional tools. Emotionally engaged parenting is not just about attending to a child’s physical needs but also nurturing their emotional world. One highly effective approach to fostering this kind of deep, empathetic connection is through PACE training. PACE stands for Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy, and it offers a framework for creating emotionally rich and secure relationships between parents and children.
What Is PACE Training?
PACE training was developed by psychologist Dr. Dan Hughes as a therapeutic model to help parents, caregivers, and professionals better understand and support children, particularly those who have experienced trauma, attachment difficulties, or disruptions in their early life. The approach is grounded in the understanding that children thrive when they feel emotionally safe and understood.
The four elements of PACE — Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy — form the foundation of this parenting approach, allowing caregivers to engage deeply with their child’s emotional needs and create secure, trusting relationships.
Playfulness: Building Positive Connections
Playfulness encourages parents to engage with their children in a light-hearted, joyful manner. This doesn’t mean forcing fun in inappropriate situations but rather adopting a mindset that encourages laughter, creativity, and openness during everyday interactions.
By integrating playfulness into parenting, the atmosphere at home becomes more relaxed and enjoyable. This positive environment fosters a sense of safety, making it easier for children to open up emotionally. For children who have experienced trauma, playfulness can help break down barriers and offer them an opportunity to experience joy and connection in a safe space.
Acceptance: Unconditional Love And Support
Acceptance, as a core component of PACE, emphasises unconditional love and support. It means accepting the child’s feelings, thoughts, and behaviours without judgment. This does not imply condoning negative behaviours but rather understanding that all emotions are valid and that a child’s behaviour often stems from deeper emotional needs.
For parents, this can be one of the more challenging aspects of PACE because it requires maintaining composure and empathy even when a child’s behaviour is difficult or disruptive. However, the message conveyed through acceptance is crucial: “I see you, I understand you, and I accept you as you are.” This unconditional acceptance forms a strong foundation of trust, encouraging children to express themselves more openly and honestly.
Curiosity: Understanding The Child’s World
Curiosity allows parents to step into their child’s shoes, aiming to understand what the child is feeling or thinking. When parents adopt a curious attitude, they convey the message that they are genuinely interested in their child’s internal experience.
Instead of jumping to conclusions or judgments, curiosity encourages parents to ask questions like, “I wonder what made you feel that way?” or “Can you tell me more about what happened?” This approach creates space for children to express their emotions, thoughts, and fears without feeling pressured or judged.
For emotionally engaged parenting, curiosity is a powerful tool because it shows children that their feelings matter and that their parents are invested in understanding them, not just controlling or managing their behaviours.
Empathy: Validating Emotions
Empathy is perhaps the most vital component of PACE, as it involves truly feeling with the child and showing understanding for their emotional experience. When parents respond with empathy, they validate their child’s feelings, letting them know that it’s okay to feel upset, angry, scared, or confused.
For children who have experienced trauma or emotional difficulties, empathy helps soothe their heightened emotional states and reduces their stress. By recognising and responding to their child’s emotions with empathy, parents create a safe and nurturing space where their child feels understood and supported.
The Benefits Of PACE Training In Parenting
PACE training offers a framework that supports emotionally engaged parenting by encouraging a deeper connection between parent and child. By applying the principles of Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy, parents can:
- Foster a stronger emotional bond with their child.
- Encourage open and honest communication.
- Create a safe and caring atmosphere for emotional growth.
- Help children regulate their emotions more effectively.
- Provide children with the emotional security they need to thrive.
Parents who undergo PACE training often find that it transforms their relationship with their child, especially in families dealing with trauma or attachment challenges. By focusing on the child’s emotional needs and responding with compassion and understanding, emotionally engaged parenting becomes the foundation for a healthier, happier family dynamic.
In summary, PACE training is a powerful approach that enhances emotionally engaged parenting, providing parents with the tools to foster secure attachments, navigate emotional challenges, and create lasting connections with their children.
